Posts Tagged ‘Getting Adjusted’

by Tina Ferrari

The slow life: a relaxing stroll in Tuscany

Those of us who choose to move to Italy – or even just visit – do so in part because there are so many aspects of Italian life that we find so endearing and special.  The way families actually take time to eat together, the different shops you go to in order to buy various foods, the way people are naturally more affectionate with each other than Americans.

Once you settle into life in the bel paese, however, a lot of things that were once cute either become a part of your routine that you barely notice, or they become the opposite of cute. For me, two things come to mind:

- The long lunches.  On one hand, it’s really impressive to me how at least here in Umbria, a lot of people close up shop and go home to eat lunch with their families.  Since I’ve been using my boyfriend’s office for his internet while I wait for mine, I’ve been partaking in this.  We leave the office a little after 1, and come back just after 3:30.  It’s enjoyable because lunch is always balanced, and the day is broken up by some rest and time spent with loved ones.  In general, I think this is a good habit.

However, it’s aggravating when you need to run an errand and the only time you have to do so is on your lunch break.  Everyone else in town is at lunch, hence everything is closed!  The break also feels a bit too long when you have clients waiting to hear from you or if you have a tight deadline.

- The slow life.  Things take time here.  There’s no need to rush.  You learn to slow your pace down to match that of the land around you.  You go about your personal life and make your way to where you need to be, and you get to things when you have time to.  It’s really quite refreshing just to slow down and not rush yourself or be in too much of a hurry.

Unfortunately, the phone company has the same attitude.  If you need a fixed phone line, be prepared to wait at least a month, if not more.  Be prepared to get transferred to various computer-generated voices when you call, only to be hung up on when you finally do reach a person.  Be prepared not to reach anybody during the holidays.  And get a cell phone in the meantime.  When I complain to friends here about the runaround I’m getting from a certain telephone company, they all say, “Welcome to Italy!”

It all comes down to this: when you choose to live in a country, you’re choosing both the good and the bad. And I think for most of us expats, even when we complain, the positives still outweigh the negatives.  I wonder what’s for lunch tomorrow…

Tina Ferrari is a translator, writer and tango dancer based in Umbria, Italy. She writes at AffordableCallingCards.net as well as on her own blog, Tina Tangos. Comments are always welcome!

Although Italy is the home-base for one of the largest religious figures in the world, southern Italian superstitions are alive and well. These superstitions mold the lives of Calabrians, their children and their grandchildren.

Oh, and the expats who live here.

Here are three of my favorite Calabrian superstitions I’ve learned as an expat in Italy.

Photo: GetPrice.Com

1. Friday the 17th

While people throughout America mark today-Friday the 13th-as a day of bad luck and gloom (and the day Jason refused to surrender to the masses who fought to end his reign of terror), Italians think nothing of it.

But catch them on Friday the 17th … and boy is that another story.

It is even more ominous if Friday the 17th falls in November, the month of the dead. Imagine their surprise when my husband and I tied the knot on Friday, November 17-risk takers that we are …

2. Toasting

On my first visit to Calabria … oh, seven years ago I made the costly mistake of toasting my husband’s friend who was drinking water. The table gasped and people started yelling-both at Mario and at me-for clinking glasses.

“It’s bad luck,” I was later told. “Something you should never do.”

Other southern Italian superstitions regarding toasting include:

- Not reaching across someone when you toast (or shake hands)

- Always making eye contact with the person you are toasting

3. The Evil Eye

Now that just sounds scary, doesn’t it?

The Calabrian evil eye, or malocchio as they say in Italian, is one of the most feared superstitions in the region and one of the most difficult for expats to fully grasp. It is so deeply rooted in the Calabrian psyche that outsiders, like me, make innocent blunders that result in our Calabrian counterparts pointing horns (like the UT sign) or grabbing their body parts to ward off the curse.

Possible situations include:

- Telling someone their baby is beautiful

- Passing by a funeral procession

- Mentioning the word die, dead or death

If someone is jealous of another person they can think evil thoughts and put the malocchio on them. To ward this off, many southern Italians wear the symbol of hands making the horns around their neck or keep an extra set of horns in their car … just in case.

For more on southern Italian superstitions, visit Italyville, Life in Italy,WhyGo Italy or a guest post on the Calabrian malocchio written by Bleeding Espresso and posted on my site, My Bella Vita.

What unusual superstitions have you come across as an expat?

Cherrye Moore is a freelance writer and B&B owner living in Calabria, Italy. In addition to Affordable Calling Cards, she writes about living and traveling in Calabria at her website, My Bella Vita.

Expat experts say one of the worst things you can do when you move to a new country is constantly compare things from your home country to things in your new life.

And it is true. It is a recipe for despair.

Once I stopped let up on that, things got easier for me and I began understanding and appreciating the differences. That being said, there are some things I don’t think I’ll ever get used to – and here are three of them.

-  Not receiving mail
The Italian postal service is notoriously ineffective-packages are lost, misplaced or stolen on a regular basis and every expat I know has had at least one run-in with the mail system. Just over the last two months, I’ve had two packages from Amazon gone astray and a small package I sent never reach Rome. Packages are often held hostage in customs and the recipients are forced to pay a ransom to get them.

To combat this problem: I have asked people not to send me packages.

-  Walking into a doctor’s office and smelling smoke
A few years ago my hometown in Texas went smoke-free (no smoking inside buildings) and non –smokers like myself relished in our fresh air and clean lungs.

Not so much the case here in Italy.

Two days ago I went to the doctor’s office, walked under the sign that said “no smoking,” and was greeted inside by a wave of smoke.

To combat this problem: I have purchased a surgeon’s mask to wear when I am in public.

- Kids riding in the front seat – without a car seat
The first time I saw this, my mouth dropped ajar and I stared dumbfounded into the passing car. A one time thing? Oh, but no.

Children regularly ride in the front seat, oftentimes without a car seat and more than once I’ve ridden in the backseat, while a pint-size toddler took the front.

To combat this problem: I look away.

What are three things you will never get used to about your new country?

Cherrye Moore is a freelance writer and B&B owner living in Calabria, Italy. In addition to Affordable Calling Cards, she writes about living and traveling in Calabria at her website, My Bella Vita.

Photos from flickr: maxinnaberlin, marqez and Rebecca and Bernhard

Photo: Gari Baldi

For many people living in Italy is a dream. Heck, even those of us in Italy can appreciate her romance. But sometimes here in the bel paese we expats get stumped and confused and amazed at the differences. While there are, no doubt, more than these, here are the three biggest differences I’ve noticed between my two favorite countries.

1. A Name … is a Name … is a Name

Did you know that women in Italy don’t change their names when they get married?

Well, they don’t. In fact, it isn’t even an option.

That is where the feminist in me gets all riled up. If my husband and I lived in America, I might or might not have changed my name. However, I rebel against the fact that I don’t have that option and that Italy doesn’t give me the choice of whether I will share a last name with my children.

I just don’t wanna be left out … that is all.

2. Leaving With the One Who Brought You

Recently I have noticed how decidedly Calabrian it is to stick with the group you came with. In Italy-like in America- it is common for friends or couples to meet up for dinner or drinks.

The difference is that in Calabria, once you are with them – you are with them the whole night. Breaking away from the group or leaving early-even if you are tired, don’t feel well or have to work the next morning-is seen as insulting. In America, it is actually pretty normal for people to break away from the group at different times throughout the night, for various reasons, without offending the group.

3. It’s My Place, I’ll Pay

And this might have something to do with that.

In America, it is expected that when you go out for ice cream or coffee everyone will pick up his own tab … not so here in the bel paese. Apparently there is an unwritten code here in Calabria that if you take someone to “your” local bar, you are expected to pay.

If I had a quarter for every time someone told me, “You can pay for mine when I visit America,” well … I’d have enough to buy my own coffee.

But things aren’t always different … in fact, the longer I’m in Calabria, the more I realize that some things never change. Be sure to join me next week for the follow up to this post and to check out all the ways Texans are like Calabrians.

What about you? What are the biggest differences you’ve noticed between your new country and your home?

Cherrye Moore is an American freelance writer living in southern Italy. In addition to AffordableCallingCards.net, she writes about living and traveling in Calabria on her site, My Bella Vita. Comments and messages are welcome on both sites.

[ACC admin:] If you need to call Italy or make call from Italy, perhaps you might like to check out our calling cards for Italy?

It has been more than three years since I bid farewell to my native Texas and headed across the pond-an independent young expat, ready to tackle Italy and the pasta-eating tribe of inhabitants that awaited me there. I was confident, in a clueless sort of way, that things would fall into place for me and that I’d quickly-and easily-adjust to my Calabrese life.

I look back on that hopeful naivety now with a smile and with the reassuring thought that had I known how quickly I’d lose my beloved independence … my journey might have been different.

Photo by: My Bella Vita

I remember with a kind of shocking absurdity the pride I felt that first time I ventured out alone, senza future husband. I walked down the walled-river path to the local supermercato in search of those must-have female items … Q-tips, hairspray, volumizing shampoo.

“No problem,” I thought as I entered the store and grinned at the salesperson who greeted me. “Piece of cake!”

Then I spent the next 30 minutes scrounging the store in search of afore-mentioned Q-tips, because, as I remembered about four aisles in, I didn’t know how to ask for them in Italian.

Those vulnerable feelings stayed with me through much of the following year, when my husband had to take a mini-course in hairstyling so he could tell my new hairdresser I wanted bangs and a right-side part … when he gave out his number to potential English students and agreed to make my appointments for me … when I couldn’t go to the doctor alone.

And let’s not get started on driving. And road signs. And parking.

I was plagued with the self-consciousness that accompanies losing your independence, yet it happened so gradually I hadn’t realized it. Then, one day I woke up. I didn’t feel anxious about driving to the store. I walked into the centro commerciale and was hit with a wave of something that was eerily familiar.

I couldn’t place it.

What was this feeling?

As I entered the supermercato and headed straight to aisle #8, I realized what it was.

Comfort.

Peace.

Independence.

I took a deep breath and laughed at the drama I’d once faced at buying a package of Q-tips.

“Eccolo,” I told the lady as I checked out.

“Solo i bastoncini cotonati …”

“Just the Q-tips!”

Have you had an “I’ve arrived” moment like this? What happened? Please share.

Cherrye Moore is an American freelance writer in southern Italy. In addition to AffordableCallingCards.net, she writes about living and traveling in Calabria on her site, My Bella Vita. Comments and messages are welcome on both sites.

Ed: Why not make your next calls to Italy cheap?